Please Stop Saying These Things
In no particular order here are things that have been said to us as we waited for our baby and once she got here. These things are rude and hurtful so stop saying them.
- If you just stop stressing about it, you might become pregnant.
- Yeah, we struggled to get pregnant. I know how you feel. It took us like, 2 months.
- Saying "mom" when you mean "birth mom"
- Why is she (birth mom) giving her up?
- Is she (Penelope) from Africa?
- Your husband must be really black.
- Which country is she from?
- You never know, one day God might surprise you with your own! (Said to me while I held P in my arms - you know - my daughter)
- Did you ask why she (birth mom) gave her up?
- Was she (birth mom) on drugs? How many kids does she have? Does she really not know the dad?
- Saying "dad" when you mean "birth or bio dad"
- Now that you're a mom you won't be so stressed and you might get pregnant!
- Is she adopted?
- You're so lucky you didn't have to go through pregnancy!
Here's the gist: you don't get to know why we got the privilege of being Penelope's mom (WE don't even know that because, news flash, no one gives a shit). Black people aren't just from Africa. And for the love of God, no one, literally no one, ever wants to be surprised with a pregnancy (especially after having a baby) so please don't wish that on me. Also, I could talk to you about broken sperm and barren uteruses if you want me to prove to you that it can't "just happen", but that's probably not appropriate for Target talk, huh?
The kindest things people have said to me:
- She looks just like you!
- You look amazing for just having had a baby! (said to me when P was 1 week old)
I'll probably be adding to this list as we go on. People are cray.